I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
