mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The Olympian is in my bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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