I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
