he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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