that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
