do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
