You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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