There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
