Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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