part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
