38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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