You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
