I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
