plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
