I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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