dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
