Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
