Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
