So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
