He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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