I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
