Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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