$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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