she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
