Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
