I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
