I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
