Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
