You made me cry and you don't even care
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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