my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently the secret to your success is patron
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
