just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
