You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
