Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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