I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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