how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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