Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
