Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
