threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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