Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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