Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
