i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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