dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
