U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
