Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
