just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
