Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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