He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
