Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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