i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
