Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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