I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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