We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
