Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
