I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How's work?
Spinning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
