Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
