How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
