That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
