Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
