My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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