I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
