I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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