I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
