One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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