My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
