I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this boner is exhausting
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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