Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
