420 ftw
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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