Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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