Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
PANTIES FOUND
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