i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
