He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
