Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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